No Blog Go

Okay, okay. This thing's getting real old real... slowly. Anyway, am thinking of just posting pics here once in a while, starting a 'real' site, starting another blog (something more focused. Food? Celebs? Right. because the Internet needs more of both). In the meantime...

Psychic Movie Reviewer: Ryan Gosling is/does a Doll

I'm not sure if it can beat the doc I posted on here about guys who love their sex dolls (like, love love), but here's the trailer for Lars and the Real Girl. It's about a guy (Gosling) who introduces his new girlfriend to his family. Only she's a life-sized doll. It looks funny. (Wow, I should really be a movie critic, right?) It comes out October 19.

Interweb: LOLVogue

My new favourite site, Jezebel (the love child of Gawker and Feministing), has finallly come up with a concept to rival LOLCats, LOLGays -- even LOLHobos. LOLVogue. Oh, I guess it's right up there in the title. No surprise, then. Still. Funny. (Ohlordwhydon'tiputthisblogoutofitsmisery?)

Interweb: Is the New iMac Anorexic?

Really? Never too thin? Don't let the girls over at all the Pro Ana sites know.

Video of the Day: Babymama's Revenge

This nature video has been making the rounds. If only there was some cool revenge-type music over it instead of that understated couple's commentary. Watch the whole thing. There's a kick ass twist.

Video of the Day: Forbidden Love

I read a while back that there are Great Dane/Chihuahua mixes in existence, and couldn't help but think of the... mechanics. Even though this video shows a dachshund and, technically, both dogs are male, I think it might go a little something like this...

Video of the Day: From the Mouths of Babes

Care of sibling duo Tiny Masters of Today (their album 'Bang Bang Boom Cake' comes out sometime this month)

Interweb: Reader letters

Dear Ms. Brock,

I'd like to enter my daughter in a beauty pageant, but she looks more like a little girl than a 30-something whore. Is there any way I can get her already-creepy portraits touched up so she resembles a manga character or Hummel figurine?

sincerely,
Concerned Parent


Dear Concerned Parent,

Yes. Go here.

regards,
Rhiannon Brock

Last Night's TV: I Hope We Can Get Married Someday

...No I don't. I know this is the Internet and things and I can hop into my online time machine and forget I ever recommended anything Corey-related, but I don't play it like that. Baby. You know I don't.

In other words, The Two Coreys was paaainful. Even for me. Not 'Omigod this is so bad I'm going to force everyone I know to get drunk and watch it with me every week' bad, but 'Oh lordy they keep adding zingy sound effects to every scene even the one that's got Haim crying about his druggie past hey I think I hear a grip feeding him his lines' bad. The crying was sort of sad, but I couldn't help but feel that it was just something he learned on the set of Lucas. Actually, most of what he and Feldman said sounded as if it was left over from a failed TV pilot circa 1991. But even this odd inability to act naturally in front of the camera, this pathetic warning to today's child stars and stage parents, isn't enough to make the show compelling.

The worst part is both Haim and the director (assuming he's not a straw man) are Canadian, so I think we may all be funding it in some way through our tax dollars.

Video of the Day: Worst. Interview. Ever.

Why am I not a fluff entertainment news reporter again? If this half wit can do it... Oh wait. She clearly can't. See if you can make it through this train wreck of an interview with Holly Hunter.

Psychic TV Reviewer: The Lost Boys

What are you doing this Sunday? No you're not. You're watching The Two Coreys, potentially the biggest train wreck ever put on the small screen. Like something out of a prepubescent girl's fever dream, A&E is reuniting Corey Feldman and Corey Haim in this new reality show. You know things are screwy when Feldman comes off looking like the responsible one. I can't wait to see if that A&E exec took my advice and got the boys to walk around shirtless on a pony farm.

Extra! Extra! Possible Naked Firefighters!

Just got word via Lady N and Ronny R that a fire swept part of St. Denis last night, taking down Continental (of the perfectly caramelized foie gras brulée) and L'Barouf (nooooo!). Apparently there is a silver lining -- outdoor showers have been set up for the firefighters. Oh why can't I have a blog intern aka a blogtern to send over there with a camera? And a release form for them to sign so I can add their pics to my 2008 'Uniformed Men in Action Calendar'?

Consumer Whore (and how!): Candy Man

This guy totally stole my dream job.

A Good Reason To...

cancel your subscription to Psychology Today ('The magazine for glorified guidance counselors!'). I wish I could make grand sweeping statements about history and human nature on the backs of a few vague nutjob statements made by my own colleagues. Sexual harassment isn't sexist because guys prefer casual sex? WTFOMGBBQ

Video of the Day: Guys and Dolls

Want to watch something unquestionably creepy but can't make it to Fantasia? Check out this doc about guys living with their sex dolls as if they were real women. You know, plastic, silent, ever-fuckable women.

Psychic Movie Reviewer: Fantasia

UPDATE: Have starred the ones I'm actually seeing (for now)
The fun begins this Thursday (themes seem to be eco-horror, Russian sci-fi and caped superheroes). Unlike other years, I am not currently in possession of a pocketful of VIP passes that allow us to get in free and skip the lines (but I'm trying, believe me). I've been plenty wrong before, but I predict that the following movies will kick ass. E-mail me or post a message if any of them interest you (you can check out the full schedule here)...

Flight of the Living Dead- Snakes on a Plane + Con Air
Offscreen- Danish actor goes crazy
Dasepo Naughty Girls- Grease 2 + some Japan-obsessed nerd's wet dream
Hatchet- Friday the 13th + Deliverance
Your Mommy Kills Animals- doc about animal rights extremists (America's number one domestic terr*rist threat)
Hell's Ground- Pakistani zombie movie
Return in Red- That X-Files episode with the weird planet alignment + The Andromeda Strain
Spiral- Happy Gilmore + One Hour Photo (all right, maybe I'm stretching on that one)
*S&Man- doc about exploitation horror filmmakers
Viva- N, you may like this one
Roommates- Suspiria + Mona Lisa Smile
Hazard- Japanese guy goes wild in New York
Assmonster- seems like a dirtier American Movie
*Right At Your Door- nuclear fall out movie with Rory Cochrane (Empire Records, Dazed and Confused, ugh, CSI)
Square Jaw Theatre- B and BGA, these superhero shorts are for you
KM 31- Mexican horror, yay!
893239- a series of Yakuza-themed shorts
Escandalos Productions & Volatile Works: Underground Film Collectives from Mexico and Quebec- the risk of experimental film seems to be off set by the number of zombie-related titles in this collection of shorts
Special- Heroes + The Good Girl, another one for you B and BGA
On Evil Grounds- crazy Austrian couple buy house, must survive even crazier couple
*A Bloody Aria- Korean Deliverance, suppoded to be one of the best of the fest
*End of the Line- Montreal horror that takes place in the metro, making it a must-see
Lloyd Kaufman Presents the Troma Show Varietease- he's crazy, troma movies are crazy, this sketch/film show will be crazy
Home Sick- American horror, yay!
*13 Beloved- forget what I said about that other one, this Thai thriller is supposed to be the best of the fest
Mulberry Street- rats turn New Yorkers into zombies
Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead- The Chicken Lady + oh Christ, I don't even know anymore
*The Backwoods- yet another shout out to Deliverance, only this one's got Gary Oldman and looks really, really good!
Trapped Ashes- like a bunch of episodes of Tales from the Crypt from the guy who directed Friday the 13th
Wristcutters- black comedy about suicide starring Patrick Fugit (Almost Famous) and Tom Waits! Sooo coooool!
*Nightmare Detective- what the title says. Gosh, everything looks good this year, doesn't it?
Rocket Science- coming-of-age drama from the guy who made the doc Spellbound, maybe a little too sweet for Fantasia...
Beijing Bubbles: Punk and Rock in China's Capitol- N, just go see it for the clothing
The Girl Next Door- not sure if they can keep this one tasteful, seeing as how it's based on one of the most horrific true crime stories ever, the murder of Sylvia Likens (the stroy's also being adapted story was also adapted into the higher profile An American Crime)
At the End of the Spectrum- Colombian horror, yay!
*Zoo- Bestiality doc (but no graphic stuff, perverts)
The Wizard of Gore- campy horror remake starring actual actors (Crispin Glover, Bijou Philips, uh... Kip Pardue)
Sun Scarred- Takashi Mike, motherfuckers! (there's also another flick of his showing, Zebraman, but, um, not so much)
Like a Virgin- Korean tranny kid coming-of-age movie (I know, I know- another one?)
*Murder Party- it just sounds fun, y'know?
Postal- I would go to this one just for the Q&A session with infamous director Uwe Boll
Borderland- more Mexican horror, yay!
Retribution- guy chasing killer may be the criminal himself. Yawn, right? But it's Kurosawa

So obviously I am crazy and cannot see all the movies I'd like to see without quitting my job (ha) and breaking the time-space continuum (it's sharp wit like that that keeps me employed). The *s are ones I really, really want to see. Plus I left some titles out that I kind of want to see, too. Then there's the yearly DJXL thing. Just no Ultraman marathons, please. I almost slit my wrists last year (ooh, dark).

Apologies

Lack of posting can be blamed on Bell/BCE, stupid Montreal weather, and this jerk.

Happy Quebec Day

Consumer Whore (and how!): Clothing Sale

Video of the Day: Smiths Karaoke

Hope everyone enjoys their* weekend. Try not to get your drink spiked by the legions of assholes invading the city this very minute to sit and watch fast cars passing them by. I swear, this city. One weekend it's a vegan/eco/pot luck activist conference, the next, guys in Chevettes think they're Jacques Villeneuve. Annnyway. Enjoy this fab video from the San Francisco MOMA. You'll be glad you did.



*I'm part of a movement that's in favour of the singular usage of 'their.'

Consumer Whore (and how!): Sitting Pretty

For the record, B and I now officially own hot chairs (though just in silver, charcoal and orange).

Interweb: I Heart NA

Check out Give Us Back New York, a tongue-in-cheek site demanding the city return to its'original' name: New Amsterdam (okay, Native tribes may have called it something different. Who can say?). I'm cool with it. Dutch people kick ass.

Consumer Whore (and how!): Knifey!

I know I've always said that if you're going to get me a knife block, have it shaped like a human head, but this one from The Wireless Catalogue runs a pretty close second.

Extra! Extra! Pathetic Lawsuit of the Day!

Canadian 'journalist' Rebecca Eckler claims her 2004 book Knocked Up was the (unacknowledged) inspiration for Judd Apatow's movie of the same name.

'Writing in Macleans magazine, Eckler said she is suing Judd Apatow, director of Knocked Up, and Universal Studios, the producer.

'The movie, like Eckler's book, is the story of a one-night stand, by a young woman under the influence of alcohol, that results in a pregnancy.

'Eckler said if the similarities ended there, she could let the matter go — but they continue, right down to the religion of the father (Jewish) and the career choice of the film's main character, Alison.

'"Both my book and the movie feature one night of passion and the nine months that follow. Fine. Whatever," she wrote. "But what got me was the fact that 'Alison' was an up-and-coming television reporter; in my book, I was an up-and-coming newspaper reporter."

She has a point, people. I mean, before her book, the human gestation period was thought to be at least two years. And nobody used the term 'knocked up,' only 'getting fozzied,' 'eating a watermelon' and 'getting hit with the ol' medicine ball.' Also, hers was the first Jew-gentile hook-up in history. Case closed!

Now check out this clip from the movie (though it might as well be one of Eckler's home movies)

Extra! Extra! The Lil'est Serial Killer!

Sooo many things I should be writing about: last week's loft party, my trip to NY, the sad end of Pandora in Canada, this cool theory about Amelia Earhart ending up in a Japanese POW camp...

Instead, I'm posting a pic of India's own Bad Seed: eight-year-old Amarjeet Sada, who's accused of killing three other children, including two relatives.

And I quote:

“He said he took the child to the fields and hit it with a stone and killed it. Last year he killed his own eight-month-old sister,” says Inspector, Bihar Police, Shatrudhan.

“We have also some to know that Amarjeet had killed his uncle’s six-month-old daughter. He has been charged with murder,” adds Shatrudhan.

'Police say the boy smashed the heads of his victims with bricks & then tried to hide the bodies. They say that they are puzzled by the case and yet to find out the motive for the crime.'

Awwww. Isn't he precious?

(via World Of Wonder)

Video of the Day: 180420

Two twins playing one guitar? That's just great. But when they play the theme song to Beverly Hills, 90210 (get it?), it's magical is what it is.

(via Gawker)

Video of the Day: Nancy Grace Gets Hers

Remember Elizabeth Smart? The Utah teen who was kidnapped, brainwashed, sexually assaulted and then found alive nine months later? Well she went on Nancy Grace last year to support a bill that would register sex offenders. Only Grace wanted talk about the kidnapping and nothing else. Well, Smart is having none of it. (Seriously, this is news? This is an actual news program? Even if Smart had agreed to go on to talk about her abduction, Grace sounds like she's talking to a retarded six-year-old. Amy Poehler's impression may be dead on in SNL, but the real thing is way funnier)

Last Night's TV: American I...zzzzz

I watched all season for this? Sure I may have been answering e-mails and checking out videos on YouTube the whole time the show was actually airing, but lordy last night's American Idol finale was boring. Even Tony Bennett couldn't save it. I doubt Alec Baldwin playing Tony Bennett could have saved it.

At the same time, while I didn't think I even cared about the outcome, but did find myself a bit disappointed when Jordin won (and not just 'cause she's an anti-abortionist). Can't wait for her first single about, uh, being an independent woman and, um, falling in love and stuff...

It's not all bad, though. I did enjoy today's article from delightful Chicago Sun-Times TV columnist Doug 'Youngblood' Elfman. Particularly this bit:

'More spectacularly, failed contestants Sanjaya (the awful one) and Phil (or, as my friend Eve calls him, bald "Bat Boy" from the Weekly World News) sang backup to Smokey Robinson on "Tears of a Clown" (1966).'

I'm just saying. (Incidentally, if you thought the Silence of the Lambs and Evil Dead musicals were a stretch, check out the one about Bat Boy)

I Heart Culture: Free Museum Day

I think we all missed the last one (I recall more than a few 'Oh was that this weekend?'s), so why not get your asses out of the house and visit one or two free museums this Sunday? The free shuttle will likely be nonexistent due to the transit strike, but come on, were you really going to take it anyway?

Participants include the Fine Arts Museum, the Hotel Dieu Hospital Museum , Canadian Architecture Centre and the Biodome (but not the Insectarium or Botanical Gardens. Booo! Oh, and despite the illustration, you still have to pay for the Body Worlds exhibit at the Science Museum). You can check out the full list here. Something for everyone!

Of course, it'll probably be nice that day. Pray for rain. Wait, don't. Don't. Please. There are so few nice days in this damn city...

Video of the Day: Clark and Michael

To continue my blog-length love letter to Michael Cera, here's a preview of their new Internet series. It looks like it's about them making a series. Or something. I don't care, they're funny, funny little boys. And nothing tickles me like a good actor acting like a bad actor. Also, jokes about Asians (obvs)!

Blog on Blog: Zombie Last Supper

I've always said Jesus was the ultimate zombie, and this photoshopped Da Vinci proves it.

[via My Confined Space]

Consumer Whore (and how!): Cupcake Essentials

In further news re my moving, I've been amassing only the essentials for a new living space. Hence this lovely cupcake holder, to display the many, many baked goods I'll be making for weekend picnics on the Mountain (and this year I've sworn to actually cross the street and start up a trail, something I haven't done for, oh, 10 years or so. Volcano or no, I *will* ascend!)

[pic care of the wonderful food blog Smitten Kitchen]

Interweb: Best of Montreal Craigslist

I've been spending waaay too much time on Craigslist looking for a home for me, B and the pound puppy. Here are two recent gems:

Alaskan Clown Needs Short term Free (or nearly free) Housing

Clown from Alaska traveling to Montreal to perform in the Fringe Festival June 5-17. He is traveling with his Chihuahua Peaknuckle so he needs a dog friendly home for his 5 pound companion. John is a great guy. I can give you his email so you could talk to him yourself. He also has a website for his clowning. If you have space and live near a metro please consider giving a poor clown a chance.

[I'd say 'Only in Montreal' but this guy's not even Canadian. I have a shiny nickel for anyone willing to put him up. Or at least figure out if this is someone posting on behalf of 'John' or if he simply refers to himself in the third person.]

I don't care how much it costs. Just pool your money together and get me this next one as a housewarming gift.

Important Religious Collection - $4800
Collection of different Religious items.
Here are a few items, the list would be to long to enumerate.
More than 150 old Crucifix, more than 60 old Roseries, a Marguerite Bourgeois Relict,Jesus made of wax in a hay crib,Last Rights Kits,Pictures, Ciborium,Painting, Medals, Bibles, Candle holders, Stations of the Cross, Prie-Dieu, Stoups,etc...

Interweb: Dirty, Dirty Dinos

How on Earth did I go this long without learning about pterodactyl porn (link NSFW)? Christian fundamentalists must eat this up.

Extra! Extra! Blood Runs in the Streets!

I'm not sure what disturbs me more: the cordoned off section of St. Laurent getting the CSI treatment this weekend, or the fact that B and I barely raised a brow while trudging through the 'crime scene' (a trail of loonie-sized blood droplets) an hour earlier. Ehh, the rain was washing the evidence down the gutter, anyway. Plus there was hardly enough blood for more than a paper cut or maybe a light stab wound from the emery board on a Swiss Army Knife. No biggie.